the raw pen

freshness

2008-09-30T15:36:00.002+08:00

What do you do when things are not the same anymore? When you no more look forward to the things that once excites you and pumps in colour and joy to your life? Those times would not repeat themselves again. And even if they did, the feel would not be the same anymore. You don't know where to go and what to do. You want something new, fresh, inspiring. What once used to be your heart's delight and is now not so, that's a bitter thing. Can a stale thing become fresh again? Is it worth the while and energy to try do so? Who likes being hurt? No one. In the name of love...it hurts at times. The greatest, it is. The hardest, it is also. Love...God is.

2007-09-25T15:41:00.000+08:00

To some regards, I've lost trust in true friendship. The pursuit of friendship too, is meaningless as with the pursuit of happiness. In saying so, I've lost trust in myself to be a true friend too. Only You can heal.

A sense of worth

2007-08-15T17:12:00.000+08:00

…a drop of rain, a word of kindness, a hug and the affirmation that there is meaning to the things I do. O Lord, I really need Thee.

walk on

2007-08-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

I hear your heart as you drove home, dear friend. You used to loop Judy Garland's beautiful voice singing that song, urging you to be strong, as you worked through the long nights, your fingers on the pen, sketching; your heart and thoughts...the butter paper lay lifeless under the yellow glow of Sing Leong's table lamp. I read your thoughts, and what your heart has been yearning for...a little drop of rain. Faithfulness and the warmth of a pleasant councel. I yearn that too. Walk on, walk on. I AM, with you.

home

2007-08-10T23:33:00.000+08:00

...and so, I am home. Felt so lonely during dinner that a 2-hour ride home felt pleasantly easy. I was a bit tired though, and although 2 bottles of Red Bull did not initially help...well, I prayed and sang along with Russell Watson along the way. A little jam after Seremban because of the roadworks, but the journey was smooth. It's great to be back. I've not been back since CNY and last week was the 1st week that I was back since. Now it'd be 3 weeks in a row for me as I'd be back for MEFC building dedication next week. Home.

Proverbs 18:24

2007-07-31T14:17:00.000+08:00

To my brother and closest friend...Proverbs 18:24 reminds me of you...

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

along life's journey

2007-07-31T09:22:00.000+08:00

Knowing that things might not be the same again…maybe just a little, but in faith that it would be for the better…it’s not easy, a decision…not now…that day would eventually come, be it in a change of job, change in address, change in schedule…things have come a long way since the early days in Putra Heights, and it is a miracle to be along the same paths for now…a great companion you are, have been, and hopefully, will always be. Pilgrims on a journey, we are. Let us keep our eyes fixed on Him, Christ Jesus our Shepherd and Lord.

blue moon

2007-07-25T09:04:00.000+08:00

You’ve not been there in 27 years, and thus you simply cannot understand. It is a package of nonsense to you now, irritating, repetitive, inconsiderate and illogical. Maybe you're just frustrated...will it dawn for you?

1997

2007-07-20T15:00:00.000+08:00

I woke up a few minutes after I slept and saw those nights again. We were then studying for SPM, every night. And it was a routine of studying till 3-4am with much coffee and reading the bible, a few hours of sleep and back to school, where only a few came for the fun of it.

We’ve known each other since young, quite very young, and have been school mates for 5 years, with 3 years as classmates. We were in the same church, same BM tuition class and you were pretty much embedded in almost very event of my teenage years. Camp pictures have you in it, CF, church activities… yet deep down, we knew we were very different individuals. Some even deemed us rivals, which was unfair as we both excelled in different areas and are gifted differently. You basked in the limelight, while I sought solace in the shadows.

We seldom spoke, and when we did, it felt rather awkward. Nonetheless, we esteemed one another with a mutual respect. We might have even resented one another too, but we left many things unspoken.

Thoughts returned of the times when I grappled about our friendship in prayer, amid thoughts of studies. It bothered me a lot then. It was time, I felt that the walls surrounding our friendship had to come down, and external circumstances could not be relied on to encourage the change. Being able to chat with you, as a childhood friend would, was a dream.

There might not have been a closure, although time and distance now have done its part to pacify the tension.

Yet I know, that come December 18, I’ll receive an sms from you and you’ll receive the same greeting from me on your birthday.

I still see you in my childhood dreams.

raw

2007-07-19T13:25:00.000+08:00

Un-edited thoughts, un-edited feelings.